Brown paper bags

Ruth says that she plans to take some brown paper bags to the prom in case she and her friends get bored. This is an excellent idea. In addition to the “lookin’ at a thing in a bag” joke, the bags have lots of other uses:

  • Inflate a bag and then burst it to make a loud bang, causing the chaperones to call the police because the prom is being attacked by terrorists.
  • Walk up to a guy you don’t like, hand him a bag, and tell him it’s for his date to wear over her head. Then run.
  • If you get overexcited while doing these things and start hyperventilating, breathe into a bag until you recover.
  • Wear a bag over your own head (with eyeholes, of course) to avoid being identified while carrying out other pranks.
  • If there are any bags left when the prom is over, use them for the time-honored flaming dog crap joke on the way home.

I’m just speaking hypothetically here, of course. I’m sure Ruth won’t actually do any of these things.

UPDATE: Ben points out that Flaming Dog Crap would be a good name for a rock band. (It’s an excellent description of several rock bands I could name.)

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