Of course there is a downside to drinking coffee. And it’s not the caffeine addiction (I already had that) or the risk of coffee stains. No, it’s that joining the global fraternity of coffee drinkers has made me aware of a whole new realm of human dimwittedness: coffee idiots.
I don’t mean the people who pour themselves a cup and leave half an ounce in the pot instead of brewing more. Everyone knows about those idiots. I’m talking about the ones who, as soon as a new pot is brewed, immediately reach past the previously existing one and go for the pot that’s ten whole minutes fresher. And, for that matter, the people who brew a new pot when the previous one (I refuse to say “old,” because it’s not) is more than half full. What are they thinking? At first I theorized that these people couldn’t stand the sight of an empty pot, or that they were simply anticipating future demand. But yesterday, I had both of those theories shot down. I walked into the break room and saw a mostly-full pot of regular coffee, another pot just starting to fill with more regular coffee, and, on the rear burner of the coffee maker, the decaf pot sitting completely empty.
And what’s the point of these plastic or wooden stirrers? If you put the sweetener and creamer into your mug first and then fill it with coffee, you generate more than enough turbulence to dissolve everything. As far as I can see, the stirrers are completely redundant.
No, all the caffeine is not making me cranky. Shut up or I’ll whack you with my thermal mug. (Hey, it’s empty — time for a refill.)